If I was to get pregnant next month...

The baby would be due June 8th - and I would have all summer home with the baby and Maggie.  What a dream that would be. Hmmmm

leave me a comment

Leave me a comment so I know who is reading my blog.

Thanks

leave me a comment

Leave me a comment so I know who is reading my blog.

Thanks

I keep seeing a moving shadow

I must be going crazy, I keep seeing this moving shadow - when I was making dinner it was in the dining room, just now it was outside the back door.  I must be tired.  It is freaky that it has happened twice tonight.

Another Job Offer - even better

So I received (or will receive) another job offer this morning.  This job is at one of two locations, either Multnomah Village or Markham Elementary School.  Wow, how much closer to home would that be?  The hours are better and would allow me to make it to Maggie's doctors appointments. Hmmm, which one will I choose.

And, my little sperm babies are frozen solid for another month.  Next month, I will pay to have them frozen for a year.  Yay!

I have a new job!

So I received a call today with a job offer for the Vancouver job.  I asked for time to think on it.  I won't make any money but I will be working, and Maggie will be in daycare where she will be learning and growing.  She might even be able to participate in the programs at my work.  I will be working 8am-5pm following the school year.  During the summer I will be able to collect unemployment.  Yay!

Dear Anne,

August 27, 2011

Dear Anne,

Wow!  So you should be re-reading this in 2021.  Maggie will be 11 by the time you read this and you will probably have had another child - that is what you were planning when you wrote this.

Where is your life right now -

I am working at a daycare, but hope that another job opportunity comes along soon.  I actually expect that tomorrow I will receive a job offer in Vancouver and on Wednesday you expect another job offer for a job in Multnomah.  The Vancouver job will pay you double what you expect the Multnomah job to pay, yet I am still uncertain as to which job to take.  Taking the Multnomah job would be easy, very little commute time, keep Maggie at the same daycare and stay in the Portland Public School system.  Taking the Vancouver job would mean at least 2 hours probably 3 of commute time each day, it would mean that I would have to find Maggie daycare in Vancouver.  I plan on still living in Portland because the costs associated with moving to Washington are to high.

I need to pay the bill to store you sperm donor's vials for another year, but I am wondering if I should try to get pregnant sooner rather than later.  I love Maggie so much and really do want another child, I would like Maggie to be close to her brother or sister in age and emotionally.   I would like to wait until Maggie is 3 to have a baby so that means getting pregnant sometime in the next 7-8 months.

Maggie is an incredible toddler!!  She is inquisitive and loving.  She is wonderful. 

I am currently enrolled at Concordia working on my ESOL endorsement.  Hopefully, this school year I will finish it.  I am hopeful that next year I can find a teaching job at an elementary school here in Oregon if not I will stay with the Head Start program.

I am currently single, I don't love it but I love my life otherwise.  Hopefully, in the next 10 years Mr. Right will come along. 

My Wishes for your life:

I hope that I am happy!  That my children fill my every moment with love, peace and joy.  I hope that I am teaching elementary school and love every minute of it - I have had a hard road so far and I deserve to be happy.  I hope that I am in love - with someone, your children, your life.

I don't need a lot in life to be happy but I hope that I am secure financially, employment wise and as a whole person.

Don't look back on your life and wish you had done things differently, there is no way to go back in time.  Look forward and raise your children to know right from wrong, to have a strong moral and ethical compass.  I hope that I am happy.

I hope you have made your dreams come true, no one else can do that for you.

I am so fortunate!!

Today, I realized that I am absolutely in love with my little girl.  We made home made bubbles and were on the deck playing with them and she was covered in bubbles and bubble solution and having so much fun!!

I have the best little girl in the world.

Friends...

One of my former best friends just announced her divorce on Facebook.  She is friends with my mom even though she unfriended me.  She and her husband have been having problems for a long time and maybe this time she will really follow through  with her threat of divorcing him.  I hope she is happy.

It makes me sad that she is going through this but that is a choice that she made.  I wish I could support her but she made that choice a while ago.

Sarah, if you read this I hope you are happy (seriously.)
______________________________________________________________

I am so tired of making friends and then loosing them.  Right now, there is no one I consider to be my best friend because everyone leaves me. Wow!  Do I feel pathetic but we all make choices that effect our relationships.

I am lucky because I have a lot of really good Facebook friends, but I do miss my close friends - the ones know everything about me, the ones who are in pictures with Maggie, the ones whose children have played with Maggie.

If something really good was to happen to me right now, aside from sharing it on Facebook there is no one "friend" who I would call and share the news with.  That makes me a little bit sad.

Long Term Storage of Sperm

So I have 4 vials of sperm from Maggie's donor in long term storage at the sperm bank.  It is time to pay the annual storage fee of $300 due September 1.  I can pay monthly until I have the money to pay the lump sum.  Or I can pay for a month and give it a whack at trying to get pregnant next month.  Hmmmm

Choices when really one is a 99%maybe

Vancouver Jobs - Called on Friday and left a message while I was at work.  I take this as when I call back they are going to be offering me a job.  Yay!

I need to find daycare for Maggie up in Vancouver if I take this job.  One friend told me about her sitter who charges $600 a month which is a steal.

Multnomah - (a.k.a. my neighborhood) - Talked with the Director on Friday they are still running the background check on me but everything looks good so I am on the "LOOKS REALLY GOOD" list.  They will be calling next week to offer me a job.  They pay a little less but I would make up for that in gas savings and commute time. 

Maggie could stay at her daycare their rates are a lot higher and I may make to much money to qualify for their financial aide.  They charge $1025 a month. 

Daycare Job - Is going well.  I worked until 6pm on Friday.  At like 5pm they brought the School Age kids into my room there were two of us but our kids ages were 2 1/2 up to 12.  Which is insane.  The group was insane.  Then once the group was down to 10 kids the other teacher left.  I didn't even know the school aged kids names.  I so did not like that!!!!

Sent home early...not enough children

So I was sent home at 1pm, there were only 18 children in my classroom and 3 teachers.  So being the newby I got sent home.  I was scheduled to work until 3pm but alas it was not meant to be.

We are heading to the lawyer today, I expect him to tell me that he thinks I should drop my lawsuit.  I think that either he gave me wrong information or my previous employer is lying.  We shall see what happens.

Still no news on the other jobs.

Vancouver Job is checking my references

Whoo!

Waiting patiently because at some time soon a job offer is going to come from either Vancouver or Multnomah.  Fingers crossed!!  My references have been thoroughly checked.  I hope to find out soon.  I need to give notice at the daycare, my understanding is that these jobs start next week.  I want to be able to start, I also want to be able to get Maggie in appropriate daycare for either location.  If I get the Multnomah location we are covered for daycare - she will go to the same place she has been going.  If I get the Vancouver position I have some referrals and would like to get those checked out this weekend, if possible.  No matter what I am super excited. 

Please God - send me to the job that fits me best and keep anything bad from happening now or in the future!!

...

The furniture change has been good so far.  Yesterdays, nap went well.  I laid in my bed next to her bed and waited for her to fall asleep which was well within her normal time frame.  We both went to bed at 7pm last night - which best guess I fell asleep before her but she was contained.  Today's nap not so well.  My mom had to put her down and it didn't go so well.  4:09pm and Maggie is still awake.  If napping with Grandma isn't going to get better she will have to start sleeping in her Pack 'n Play for nap time.

Today was day 2 at my daycare job.  It was good I thought I was supposed to work 9-2, turns out it was 9-3pm.  Holy crap = I had a moment where like all the kids were screaming and I thought "Yay!  I get to go home to another screaming kid."  I really hope to get one of these other jobs where I would be working with older kids.  I have Wednesday off then back to work Thursday and Friday.  Next week - if I am still at the daycare I work M,T, Th, and F.  The Friday shifts are the close shifts, yay!

I am glad that I get this chance to work in a daycare because I get to see the world where Maggie will spend the next 4 years and where my students come from.  It explains a lot of things.

I moved the furniture in our room!

So today I decided to move the furniture in our room.  I had been thinking about it for a long time and finally bit the bullet.  I want to work and I need sleep in order to do it.

So  I took the front off of Maggie's crib and moved it between the wall and side of my bed pressed my bed as close to it as I could.  No she can sleep in her bed and crawl into my bed in the middle of the night.  Sounds crazy but she is taking her first nap in it right now and it seems to be working.  I laid with her for a few minutes until she was comfortable. Tonight will be the real test - since I have to work tomorrow.

I haven't heard back from The Neighborhood House or EOCF about the jobs I interviewed for with either organization.  I know that NH has contacted my references - fingers crossed I am hoping they call today. 

EOCF - Educational Opportunities for Children and Families located in Vancouver, Washington, I interviewed for 2 positions with them on Wednesday and was called back for second interviews on Friday.  I think my second interviews went well, I hope they think they went well.  I interviewed for three positions Teacher Family Advocate, Head Start Teacher and ECEAP Teacher.  I was called back for the TFA position and ECEAP position.

Nothing like being the world's biggest disappointment

Have you ever had a day, week, month or year where you feel like the biggest disappointment?

That is how I feel right now.  I am trying to stay positive, keep my chin up, but it is hard.  My parents are giving off the "you are a disappointment" vibe, they never come straight out and say it but it is in their comments and tone.  Maybe, it is how I am interpreting their comments and tone.  Maybe, it is the fact that I don't feel good an have a yucky cold that is making me feel exhausted.

Fun Day!!

Today, Maggie and I went to the zoo with a friend from high school/elementary school and her two kids.  It was so nice being around a real mom and real kids.  We had a great time, walked most of the zoo - some of it was a speed walk.  It was fun to talk to an adult and her little girl and Maggie seemed to get along pretty well.

I am so glad that through Facebook I have been able to reconnect with friends from the past.  We have children around the same age so it gives us another thing in common.

Crap, crap, crap - I am getting a cold!

Right at the busiest craziest point this summer (okay maybe not) I am getting a aweful cold.

Tomorrow I picked up a 3 hour shift at the daycare to shadow another worker.  Then I drive as fast and as safely as possible to Vancouver for a second round interview for a ECEAP Teacher position and  a Teacher and Family Advocate position.  Yay me!

Interviews, interviews, interviews

Soon, very soon I will have a job in Oregon (maybe Washington) working as a Preschool/Head Start Teacher.  Last week, I interviewed for a Head Teacher at the Neighborhood House.  They had 3 positions at 2 locations either in Multnomah Village or Markham Elementary.  The lady from NH called today because she was having a hard time getting a hold of a few of my references.  So I got her new information.  Fingers crossed that she calls tomorrow because the position starts on Monday.

The nice thing about this position is that it is 30 hours a week, M-Th which means I can sub on Friday and make almost as much as I make in 2 days of working for NH.  NH is a better job because it is stable and has benefits, but subbing will give me that extra little push financially.  Yay!!

Can't wait to hear for sure.

Jobs

So I have accepted a part-time job at a local daycare in Tigard, I also signed up to substitute teach in Woodburn for next year.  And, I made arrangements for Maggie to go back to daycare in September.  She needs it!!

I am still interviewing for full time positions or other part time positions that can compliment this one.  I have an interview - well actually 2 tomorrow for a Head Start Organization in Washington.  I am interviewing for their Teacher position and their Teacher and Family Advocate position.  I am very excited.  The hardest thing would be that I have to move Maggie to a daycare in Washington or have my mom do the morning drops offs (I would have to leave before 7am) and mom may have to pick-up Maggie in the evening depending on traffic.

I am still waiting to hear back from the interviews from last week.  Fingers crossed on a few of them.

Choices

We all make decisions with the choices we are given. How do we know that we are making the right one?  How do we not doubt these decisions and worry?

I made the decision to uproot Maggie and I, move us to Arizona with the hope of a better life.  I made plans, investigated apartments, found daycare and made a friend. We took off on our adventure expecting to be gone for a year, three at the max. We were back by the end on the week. The apartments were horrible - I mean bad, livable but would cause much suffering for us. Daycare was great!  After being there a few days we were told not to drink the water, it was high in calcium and other minerals that could cause kidney damage. That is our worst nightmare since we both have serious kidney issues.  My research never warned us of this.  After my hubcaps were stolen I decided to throw in the towel. How many more signs could be interperted as "get the hell out of here!"

I have had several interviews since getting back to Portland and I am sure something great will come from one of them.

I try to do what is best for us and sometimes make mistakes, I am human.

I wish, I had wished a different dream

I wish I had tried harder to find the man of my dreams I wish I had someone to share all of this wonderful life because the joy is overwhelming.  I am not giving up on finding someone to love but it is much more challenging as a full time single parent.

Wanted a good man and a good babysitter

Enough said!

 Hair cut!  By Papa - Sucking on M&M's so she doesn't cry.

 Flowers

 Pretty Baby

 Mama and Baby

Swinging

I am being published!!!

I submitted my story on how I came to be a SMBC (Single Mom By Choice) to Fit Pregnancy Magazine.  Our story should be in their January/December edition.  Yay!!

Here is the article - I am sure there will be some editing that happens.

YOUR NAME: Anne Geck
THE BABY'S NAME AND BIRTHDATE: Margaret Anne,  March 31, 2010
WHERE DO YOU LIVE (city, state): Portland, OR

Why did you decide to have a baby on your own?
Mr. right wasn't coming along.  I had a good job as a teacher and felt that I was ready.  I had been telling my parents since I was 15 that if I wasn't married by 25 I would use a sperm donor.  At 25 I was in grad school, so I pushed it out to 29.  For my 29th birthday I purchased myself a membership o eHarmony and gave myself 3 months.  At the end of those 3 months I registered with a sperm bank and places my first order.
How did you get pregnant? I got pregnant by Artificial Insemination at home with an anonymous donor from a sperm bank.

Was the process challenging? Easy? Did you try only once? Or multiple times?
 I tried 3 times, the third time I changed donors to one who had successful pregnancies in the past.  He was the one who did it for me.

What was your pregnancy like, physically?
When I was pregnant that was the best I have felt physically - ever.  My chronic low back pain went away, my asthma didn't act up.  It was great!!

Did you have morning sickness? Did you feel tired? Did you gain a lot/a little weight?, Etc.
 I had some morning sickness - I ate a lot of candied ginger.  I didn't gain a lot of weight, I only gained 20 pounds I was very careful about eating as healthy as I could.  My goal was a happy healthy baby.

What was your pregnancy like, emotionally?
Emotionally I was a nightmare - when I was about 6 weeks pregnant the private Catholic school I worked for fired me for being single and pregnant.  Almost two years later I still have not recovered from that.  I loved my job and knew that working there would be a great place for me to be pregnant and raise my daughter.

Did you have a good support group? Were your friends and family supportive of your decision to have a baby on your own? Why or why not? Did you ever question your decision to have a baby on your own once you were pregnant? Why or why not? What was your birth experience?  
My parents were incredibly supportive - I was so lucky.  A small group of my friends were also supportive.  I lost a large number of friends - pregnancy changes relationships and being pregnant from AI is hard for some people to handle.

When I started talking about having a baby (March 2009) my friends were supportive and encouraging, they checked in with me to see how I was doing.  But once I was pregnant things changed and many were no longer supportive.

I did question my decision to have a baby on my own - there were times where I thought what the heck am I doing?  But then I would feel the baby move and I would remember that this is what I wanted more than anything.  I think that I had these thoughts and feelings because of the drama that went on when I lost my job.  Losing your job while pregnant and being single is devastating.

I had a scheduled c-section.  The doctor said that my pelvic opening was to small.  My daughter never dropped at 40 weeks 1 day she was still in my ribs head down.  I never dilated there was no progress.  40 weeks 1 day I had my c-section.  It was great.  It was an easy recovery and I returned to work (I had found a temporary job) 1 week after having my c-section.

Did you have a OB/GYN or midwife? Did you give birth in the hospital? Did you have a vaginal birth? A C-section? How long was your labor? Did anything unexpected happen?

I had an OB/GYN - who was awesome!  He was incredibly supportive of what I was going through and understood when I had panic attacks.  I hope to use him again when I have another baby in a few years.
I did give birth in a hospital because of the need for a c-section.  Nothing unexpected happened.  It was a really great experience.

What challenges do you think are unique to an individual who decide to have a baby on their own?
I think that the first weeks are probably the same for everyone, with the exception that it is all on you. You are the only one who changes diapers, does the feedings, rocks the baby.  I was lucky in that my parents were there for me the entire time.  It is still incredibly lonely and isolating.  I was in an unfortunate situation where I had to go back to work 1 week after having my daughter.  But I do know that women who get maternity leave find it hard to return to work when their leave is up.

What advice would you give to women who decide to have a baby on their own?

I would tell them to make sure they have traveled and done everything that they want to do, do it now. Then save up as much money as possible.  Do not tell anyone what you are doing, tell them after you are pregnant that you are pregnant.  When people ask who the dad is tell them that it is private and none of their business.

Interviews!

So this weeks interviews have been going well.  Tomorrow I have 3 interviews 2 at daycare's for Lead Preschool Teacher position and one for Head Start in Multnomah Village (how perfect would that be!!)

I am excited and nervous.

Today I got a call from the daycare that I interviewed at yesterday and they loved me.  They were calling to get permission to call my references once they had done that they were going to call me back and offer me the position.  The were contacting my last employer.  That is probably why I haven't heard back from them yet. :(

I am on the fence as to whether or not to leave their information on my resume.  They probably aren't giving me a good reference because I am suing them.  Hmmm!!!  I asked my lawyers assistant about it and she is going to ask him.  I am not putting her down on my Head Start application - I really want that job.

Interviews!

Today I had an interview at a Montessori school.  The position is Lead Teacher - the foreseeable challenges are that I do not have Montessori training.  But the owners of the center are willing to train me.  yay!  I go back on Monday for a working interview.  They don't have any room for Maggie in the infant classroom, so I would have to find daycare somewhere else.

Tomorrow, I have an interview for an Instructional Assistant position at a school in Hillsboro.  The position would be working in Kindergarten and First grade classrooms.

Thursday, I have an interview at Maggie's old daycare.  I could probably get her into one of their daycare programs.

Friends!

I love my friends, the people who are really my friends! 

Last Thursday one of my best friends broke up with me.  I get it, she doesn't want to be in the middle of the law suit I have filed against her step mom.  But, she is demonstrating that she does take sides and won't be there for me no matter what. 

The last few weeks have been stressful and looking at my Facebook page and seeing who was supporting me, worrying about me and cheering me on really tells me who my friends are.  I never meant for anyone to worry about me.  I hate moving (when it was just me I hated it) with Maggie it is even worse.  It is worse because I worry about everything with her - her Urinary Tract issues - is she eating enough, sleeping enough, getting enough attention, enough interaction, is her daycare a good place, is she crying.  I thought I didn't have support here - I was wrong.  I do have support.  Thank you!!

She's growing up!

We're back!!

I am so not meant to live in Arizona! 

There were issues that had I been aware of them before moving we never would have moved.

1. We couldn't drink the water. It has high levels of minerals that cause kidney damage and/or kidney stones. Neither of use need that we already have kidney issues. (this is huge because Maggie has had Urinary Tract Infections that have hospitalized her)  Yes we could have had water delivered - but my budget did not have the flexibility for us to do this.

2.  The apartments were horrible but we couldn't afford anything better. We couldn't swim because after we moved in we discovered that they were not maintaining the pool. The hot tub had been boarded up and from what the maintenance guy said it has been that way for over a year and will probably never be fixed.

3. Everytime I turned around I was requesting maintenance because something else would break or stop working.  After I talked to my principal about moving back to Portland she said she would never recommend those apartments.  To bad the district does.

4. When I would talk to other teachers about getting together so the kids could play they would say, yeah in October when it is cooler. Their was nothing to do with the kids that was inside. I cannot live like that.  I like being able to take Maggie to the park or on walks.  The temps never dropped below 87 while we were there.  In the mornings it was usually 90+ and got up to 118.

5.  The temperature is unreal.  It has been like 118 - one thermometer even said 131.  Seriously how do I keep Maggie hydrated in the kind of heat on top of not being able to drink the tap water?  ugh!!

6.  The closest pediatric nepherologist and urologist were in Las Vegas which means that I would have to take an entire day off to take her to the doctor.

Yes, I am a big baby.  I love living in Oregon and feel incredibly greatful to live somewhere that I can drink the water, not die in the heat, not worry about how dirty the pool is, and have access to Maggie's doctors at the drop of a hat.

I am glad we are back, Maggie is glad we are back.  It was an interesting trip but just not a good place for us.