It has been a week - a week of good and a week of really, really bad (so bad, I can't even write about it.)
We are staying in Idaho for Thanksgiving - we are so fortunate to have been invited to celebrate Thanksgiving with my co-worker Kelly's family. This is the first time that I am not celebrating with my family or the Hughs family, eek,
Last night we had a girls night with my other co-workers, it was a lot of fun we had pizza and went to a movie. The movie theater here reminds me of The Valley theater in Portland. $4 for an adult, $2.50 for kids - $1 popcorn - the entire event was under $20, so fun and affordable. We saw, Free Birds, a movie about turkey's who are trying to avoid becoming the main course at Thanksgiving. The hopped in a time machine and went back in time to the first Thanksgiving. This movie was one of those movies where the adults spend the entire movie exclaiming that this part is taken from an older movie, and trying to figure out who the voices for the characters were. While the kids were enthralled in the story.
Friday, my friend Kristin is supposed to be in Boise - we are trying to meet-up. It would be so much fun to see her, her oldest son is one of my former students. I love that I can still be friends with parents from those years.
I love living in Idaho!!
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
Little Dragon
I was inspired to write this poem about a student I had in my class a long time ago. I wrote this while participating in the Oregon Writing Project. It is funny how much a person's life can change in 4 years, the great part is the poem I posted below this one was also written at OWP and I guess I followed my dream in the poem. I just have to keep remembering to live my life for me and Maggie.
Little Dragon
I see my father walk away,
his hand raised as he
loads the helicopter and flies to Iraq.
For me, my childhood is gone.
This dragon I draw breaths fire on the bad people in Iraq.
He will keep my dad safe, I think.
My mother is crying her tears can be
heard through two doors.
The noise keeps me awake.
I feel sad.
The dragon I see is kind, it loves my mom and protects
our house from bad, while dad is gone.
I worry.
The alarm goes off, I hop out of bed,
dress, eat, brush teeth, do chores and
I am out the door.
The dragon breathes yellow fire.
It protects me and watches over me.
I feel safe.
Little Dragon
I see my father walk away,
his hand raised as he
loads the helicopter and flies to Iraq.
For me, my childhood is gone.
This dragon I draw breaths fire on the bad people in Iraq.
He will keep my dad safe, I think.
My mother is crying her tears can be
heard through two doors.
The noise keeps me awake.
I feel sad.
The dragon I see is kind, it loves my mom and protects
our house from bad, while dad is gone.
I worry.
The alarm goes off, I hop out of bed,
dress, eat, brush teeth, do chores and
I am out the door.
The dragon breathes yellow fire.
It protects me and watches over me.
I feel safe.
I'm a Poet and I know it - bwhahaha
I want my own story...
I want my own story,
I want my own excitement,
I am tired of living vicariously through others/
I am bored in my own skin,
How do I change?
Where do I begin?
What will I look like if I become someone else?
Who do I want to become?
I want to rebel...
I want my own story,
I want my own excitement,
I am tired of living vicariously through others/
I am bored in my own skin,
How do I change?
Where do I begin?
What will I look like if I become someone else?
Who do I want to become?
I want to rebel...
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Live
I still love Idaho and Maggie is back to loving Idaho. My parents came at the beginning of the month and the transition after they left was rough on both Maggie and me.
School is awesome! My tiny little class is amazing, I really feel like I am meant to be here with these particular children right now. I love my co-workers, we have so much fun when we are together. I still feel like not being in an elementary classroom for the past 4 years was a detriment, it has been hard to get back into all the "business of educating." It will get better.
Halloween is coming, Maggie and I are going to be Fairies. Looking forward to our first real year of trick or treating, hoping that we can go to a few special events like Boo at the Zoo (Zoo Boise) and maybe do trick or treating in town on Saturday. Then head to Boise for Halloween evening.
Sam the dog seems to be hanging there. He stayed in Portland with my parents, he would not have handled the move well and we would not have been able to find a place to live. When my parents come over here though he stops eating - he has lost 10 pounds this month because they were gone for 4 days. Poor old puppy. His birthday is in December and he will be 10 years old. Which taking into consideration all his issues is probably a long life.
We are bummed that we aren't going to be able to head home for Thanksgiving :( first time ever for both of us that we have missed. Christmas is only a month away and then we will be home.
School is awesome! My tiny little class is amazing, I really feel like I am meant to be here with these particular children right now. I love my co-workers, we have so much fun when we are together. I still feel like not being in an elementary classroom for the past 4 years was a detriment, it has been hard to get back into all the "business of educating." It will get better.
Halloween is coming, Maggie and I are going to be Fairies. Looking forward to our first real year of trick or treating, hoping that we can go to a few special events like Boo at the Zoo (Zoo Boise) and maybe do trick or treating in town on Saturday. Then head to Boise for Halloween evening.
Sam the dog seems to be hanging there. He stayed in Portland with my parents, he would not have handled the move well and we would not have been able to find a place to live. When my parents come over here though he stops eating - he has lost 10 pounds this month because they were gone for 4 days. Poor old puppy. His birthday is in December and he will be 10 years old. Which taking into consideration all his issues is probably a long life.
We are bummed that we aren't going to be able to head home for Thanksgiving :( first time ever for both of us that we have missed. Christmas is only a month away and then we will be home.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
I love Idaho
I am loving, loving here. I love my job, my students, my co-workers, my school, the weather, Maggie's daycare, our apartment. I love it all. I have not been this happy in years. I am meant to be here, right now - in this place.
I googled "Single Mom by Choice, Boise Idaho" last night, and a blog by a SMBC who lives in Boise came up - her posts were the first 8 on the google list. I decided to check it out - maybe she ran a SMBC group from there or had a link. In Portland there was a SMBC group where I occasionally attended events. I love having the support from other moms who were in the trenches - but all of these moms had perfect children who were never sick. This mom whose blog I read has been put through the ringer, her oldest daughter almost died when she was 1 from a systemic infection, her second child was born 90% deaf. As I perused her blog I felt such a strong connection to this mom, like we probably would really "get" each other. I did something I never do - I reached out to her on Facebook. I am hoping that she responds to me.
I read this mom's posts and I realized that I was putting off having another child because I was scared that something else would happen with Maggie. I realized that having another child is a gift to Maggie, a gift to myself. I will never be rich, we will probably never go on extravagant vacations, cruises outside the country. Maybe, we will just be happy - have adventures, road trips to see family.
I googled "Single Mom by Choice, Boise Idaho" last night, and a blog by a SMBC who lives in Boise came up - her posts were the first 8 on the google list. I decided to check it out - maybe she ran a SMBC group from there or had a link. In Portland there was a SMBC group where I occasionally attended events. I love having the support from other moms who were in the trenches - but all of these moms had perfect children who were never sick. This mom whose blog I read has been put through the ringer, her oldest daughter almost died when she was 1 from a systemic infection, her second child was born 90% deaf. As I perused her blog I felt such a strong connection to this mom, like we probably would really "get" each other. I did something I never do - I reached out to her on Facebook. I am hoping that she responds to me.
I read this mom's posts and I realized that I was putting off having another child because I was scared that something else would happen with Maggie. I realized that having another child is a gift to Maggie, a gift to myself. I will never be rich, we will probably never go on extravagant vacations, cruises outside the country. Maybe, we will just be happy - have adventures, road trips to see family.
Sunday, June 2, 2013
What's it like on your side of the fence?
Is the grass greener?
Are there less weeds?
Are you lonely?
Are you happy?
My view, I see holes in your home,
cracks in the foundation,
the walls are starting to crumble.
Is the grass greener?
Are there less weeds?
Are you lonely?
Are you happy?
I hear the creaks and groans of the old timber bones.
Your house, don't look like a home.
Are there less weeds?
Are you lonely?
Are you happy?
My view, I see holes in your home,
cracks in the foundation,
the walls are starting to crumble.
Is the grass greener?
Are there less weeds?
Are you lonely?
Are you happy?
I hear the creaks and groans of the old timber bones.
Your house, don't look like a home.
posted from Bloggeroid
Friday, May 10, 2013
What's it like on your side of the fence?
Is the grass greener?
Are there less weeds?
Are you lonely?
Are you happy?
My view, I see holes in your home,
cracks in the foundation,
the walls are starting to crumble.
Is the grass greener?
Are there less weeds?
Are you lonely?
Are you happy?
I hear the creaks and groans of the old timber bones.
Your house, don't look like a home.
Are there less weeds?
Are you lonely?
Are you happy?
My view, I see holes in your home,
cracks in the foundation,
the walls are starting to crumble.
Is the grass greener?
Are there less weeds?
Are you lonely?
Are you happy?
I hear the creaks and groans of the old timber bones.
Your house, don't look like a home.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Eye dr
It has been almost 4 years since I had an eye exam and got new glasses. I hate the eye Dr, last time I did this I freaked out when they put the dialating drops in. Wahhh, I want my mommy.
posted from Bloggeroid
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Another UTI
I would love to know what the lesson is for us to learn from Maggie being sick so much. It seems pretty cruel. Poor kid has been up the last 2 night with raging fevers, vomiting and just generally not feeling well. That also translates to me being up, and having to function as a grown up the following day.
A few years ago when Maggie was frequently sick I was thinking about baby.#2 a friend asked me what I would do if both kids were sick since I was already missing so much work. I am wondering if this is the universes way of telling me one and done. I am not sure how I would handle 2 sick kids on my own. Then again I am thinking Maggie will be 5 before I cross that bridge again so maybe it will be easier.
Maggie always has bacteria that are resistant to the first antibiotic the Dr puts her on. We don't know it for a few days because they have to culture the bacteria and figure out what drug will treat it. While we are waiting and treating with the wrong med she is getting sicker. The pediatric urologist said at her last appt that our leash was shorter and if she had another infection before her ultrasound in 2 weeks that our leash will get even shorter. So I am guessing that we are headed to surgery, ugh! Poor kid can't catch a break.
A few years ago when Maggie was frequently sick I was thinking about baby.#2 a friend asked me what I would do if both kids were sick since I was already missing so much work. I am wondering if this is the universes way of telling me one and done. I am not sure how I would handle 2 sick kids on my own. Then again I am thinking Maggie will be 5 before I cross that bridge again so maybe it will be easier.
Maggie always has bacteria that are resistant to the first antibiotic the Dr puts her on. We don't know it for a few days because they have to culture the bacteria and figure out what drug will treat it. While we are waiting and treating with the wrong med she is getting sicker. The pediatric urologist said at her last appt that our leash was shorter and if she had another infection before her ultrasound in 2 weeks that our leash will get even shorter. So I am guessing that we are headed to surgery, ugh! Poor kid can't catch a break.
posted from Bloggeroid
Friday, March 1, 2013
I am to tough and my expectations are to high
Yep, that is me. But, if I don't set my expectations high growth will never happen.
I am not meant to do what I have been doing. My calling is not my job, it is being a mom and elementary school teacher.
Come on universe deal me cards that I love.
I am not meant to do what I have been doing. My calling is not my job, it is being a mom and elementary school teacher.
Come on universe deal me cards that I love.
posted from Bloggeroid
I am so FREAKIN' Tired
Yep, you heard me. I am so freaking tired. But I can't sleep. Right now. I am quite miserable, I am the youngest person on the staff at my work and the age difference seems to be a problem. They purposely sought out someone who was younger, but I think that was a mistake for them. My life is in a completely different stage than any of theirs.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
8:10pm, time for bed.
This has been the most exhausting week ever!! I came home from work yesterday and was unable to move, my joints were so stiff. I feel incredibly old. Talking to the other teachers - all in their late 50's, they are telling me this is the most exhausting emotionally, psychologically, mentally and physically of the 7-12 years that they have been teaching here. Ugh! I miss my big kids.
On top of just being stiff, I think I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago. My ankle has been killing me unless it is propped up, it is swelling and just generally not enjoying be used to stand - which 99% of my job is standing.
I am in the process of collecting letters of recommendation from teacher and principals I have worked with in the past to submit to some Idaho school districts, this lady needs a different kind of teaching job.
On top of just being stiff, I think I sprained my ankle a few weeks ago. My ankle has been killing me unless it is propped up, it is swelling and just generally not enjoying be used to stand - which 99% of my job is standing.
I am in the process of collecting letters of recommendation from teacher and principals I have worked with in the past to submit to some Idaho school districts, this lady needs a different kind of teaching job.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Full Moon
The past 3-4 days have been crazy, and today i figured it out as the craziness exploded all over myself and 3 co-teachers - Full Moon!! I didn't know it was a full moon until I checked about 30 minutes ago but I called it full moon crazy earlier today. Science tells us that we aren't affected by the full moon, but I swear children are. It is scary!! We had biting, hitting kicking, peeing, dumping water, and general misbehavior today.
Hopefullu, tomorrow the craziness will die down and we will all be able to get back to our normal peaceful selves for a few day - if we make it through the next weeks I will be happy because than it is our Spring Break! Yay! The spring break that lines up with no other school district in the state - yay!
My plans for Spring Break include lots of dr. appointments we never have time for, 60,000 mile check-up for the car, inner-tubing on mt. Hood, tagging all of Maggie's old clothes for sale in the consignment sales that are coming up, and spending time with my family and friends - I am not sure I will be able to fit all of that in :(
The other day i was explaining how not everyone is cut out to teach preschool to my co-teacher while referencing a student teacher we have. It's kind of funny because as I was saying that I kind of slowed down and processed it through myself, I am not sure there is long term potential for me in early childhood education primarily Preschool. I miss elementary grades so much. With my endorsement I am now licensed to teach Pre-K - 12th grade in Idaho for ESOL, which I wouldn't mind as long as I could skip middle school :)
Teacher hiring season is starting, and I am applying for other teaching jobs. We will have to wait and see what the future holds. No matter what I hope to stay where I am through summer.
Hopefullu, tomorrow the craziness will die down and we will all be able to get back to our normal peaceful selves for a few day - if we make it through the next weeks I will be happy because than it is our Spring Break! Yay! The spring break that lines up with no other school district in the state - yay!
My plans for Spring Break include lots of dr. appointments we never have time for, 60,000 mile check-up for the car, inner-tubing on mt. Hood, tagging all of Maggie's old clothes for sale in the consignment sales that are coming up, and spending time with my family and friends - I am not sure I will be able to fit all of that in :(
The other day i was explaining how not everyone is cut out to teach preschool to my co-teacher while referencing a student teacher we have. It's kind of funny because as I was saying that I kind of slowed down and processed it through myself, I am not sure there is long term potential for me in early childhood education primarily Preschool. I miss elementary grades so much. With my endorsement I am now licensed to teach Pre-K - 12th grade in Idaho for ESOL, which I wouldn't mind as long as I could skip middle school :)
Teacher hiring season is starting, and I am applying for other teaching jobs. We will have to wait and see what the future holds. No matter what I hope to stay where I am through summer.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Sanity is over rated
I spend 24/7 with preschoolers, this weekend it has pushed me over the edge. I need a break, a real break maybe an entire day or weekend. None of the preschoolers in my life are listening to me. I have been okay with that until this weekend, now I really need these children to follow directions.
I even miss teaching middle schoolers right now. Kind of funny.
I even miss teaching middle schoolers right now. Kind of funny.
posted from Bloggeroid
Ugh!
I am so tired, living with this horrible cold which is kicking up my asthma. Maggie is in the same boat. Neither of us feel good, both of us are tired but only one if us is willing to take a nap. I am feeling horrible, emotionally because I am so tired. I hate being sick.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
The pain...
For months it seems I have pain in my lower right leg, just above my ankle. Tonight, I cannot take the pain. It hurts so bad. I don't remember doing anything to it, nothing stands out in my memory. Is really hurts. :(
Thursday, February 21, 2013
To have a Birthday party, or not?
Trying to figure out the birthday party thing for a 3 year old. What do I do? A Rec center near us does 1 hour of gymnastics studio time with instruction and 1 hour in a room for the party for $145 - includes 10 participants (kids). I think she would love it - but, not sure we have 10 kids friends to invite.
I feel like we have way more grown-ups who would come, so do we just clean up the house and have a party here?
I feel like we have way more grown-ups who would come, so do we just clean up the house and have a party here?
I love my job!
It's been a while since I loved a job, but I do. No matter how hard of a day it is my coworkers are awesome. Today I need help so I could take Maggie to the Dr.my coworkers whose children are all as old as me. But they made it work I am so grateful.
posted from Bloggeroid
Ears...ouchy - whaaa
That is what keeps happening tonight, it started at shower time, she turned her head inadvertently and a stream of water went into her left ear. Poor baby, she is a pretty tough cookie except when she is in pain.
No fever - that is good, that means that if she feels up to it in 6 hours I can take her to daycare. If she develops a fever or feels horrible hopefully she will get to stay home with Nana. I am trying to avoid using the sick days, I always have the goal to save them up for when one of us is really sick. Whatever - "really sick" means or looks like. Granted that I have taken off a few days already this year 2 - for her surgery (one paid, one not paid), one in December when I was suffering from the 8 week cold/sinus infection, and one in January when she had the UTI. Compared to the time from end of August 2010 - April 2011 where I missed 40 days of work because her being sick we are on a positive roll!!
Really, her ears have been bugging her for the past 4 days. She and I have this horrible cold and it started with a sore throat - moved to her ears and has been pretty miserable. If I could have it my way, we would both stay home, lay in bed, cuddle and rest. But with a toddler that just isn't how it goes. She would be up and bouncing around not resting. At that rate she may as well go to school and play with her friends.
She did rest for a few hours tonight and in those few hours I was able to submit my application for a teaching job in Boise, Id. Fingers crossed - :) One thing I love about Idaho, is that the schools start looking for teachers for the following year in January!! Around here, you are lucky if they start looking before school starts for the year.
Okay, enough of this very tired moms ramblings. I am so tired, I hope I can sleep now.
No fever - that is good, that means that if she feels up to it in 6 hours I can take her to daycare. If she develops a fever or feels horrible hopefully she will get to stay home with Nana. I am trying to avoid using the sick days, I always have the goal to save them up for when one of us is really sick. Whatever - "really sick" means or looks like. Granted that I have taken off a few days already this year 2 - for her surgery (one paid, one not paid), one in December when I was suffering from the 8 week cold/sinus infection, and one in January when she had the UTI. Compared to the time from end of August 2010 - April 2011 where I missed 40 days of work because her being sick we are on a positive roll!!
Really, her ears have been bugging her for the past 4 days. She and I have this horrible cold and it started with a sore throat - moved to her ears and has been pretty miserable. If I could have it my way, we would both stay home, lay in bed, cuddle and rest. But with a toddler that just isn't how it goes. She would be up and bouncing around not resting. At that rate she may as well go to school and play with her friends.
She did rest for a few hours tonight and in those few hours I was able to submit my application for a teaching job in Boise, Id. Fingers crossed - :) One thing I love about Idaho, is that the schools start looking for teachers for the following year in January!! Around here, you are lucky if they start looking before school starts for the year.
Okay, enough of this very tired moms ramblings. I am so tired, I hope I can sleep now.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Life
I think my goal might be just to check facebook once a day and not respond to anything, anyone posts as well as not to post anything. Hmmmm....
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
I never imagined it would be like this...
I never imagined it would be like this...
lonely,
full of hope,
sad,
happy,
depressing,
exhilarating,
frustrating,
elation.
Parenting, living, working, being. I struggle with what to do next, I frequently put my life on hold for something or someone that doesn't/don't deserve my time or energy. That person will never love me the way I need to be loved, don't hold on. There are other Pediatric Urologists out there. I am working on living my life for myself and Maggie. It may sound selfish putting myself before Maggie there - but the reason is good - if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. I think I have stayed here frozen in time for to long - I am beginning to feel like the 12 year old I am frequently treated like. Like, I never grew-up.
A child's personality is set by the age of 3, right now my almost 3 year old is exhibiting a lot of anger issues - I wonder where I went wrong, what parenting choice did I make that didn't work for her, did I choose the right daycare - not always, if I don't like her teacher should I move her - then it turns into a moment where I realize - I am "that" parents. Granted her issues are no where near the issues of many children I have worked with in the past but, I don't want her to have issues (for herself).
The thought of moving away from my family and friends scares me and exhilarates me at the same time. Where we live and I work right now is not conducive to us moving out on our own, the best option the most viable option is for us to move to a state where there are better job opportunities and a stronger economy. I just have to have the confidence and support to do that.
I need people (friends, family) to support me, to say that I can do this. These are the same people who freak out every time I try to leave, which in turn freaks me out. If you are one of those people, don't do this, this time!!
Miss Maggie is growing and changing, and while we are working through these issues - she is still the same magnificent, wonderful, creative child that she has always been.
A child's personality is set by the age of 3, right now my almost 3 year old is exhibiting a lot of anger issues - I wonder where I went wrong, what parenting choice did I make that didn't work for her, did I choose the right daycare - not always, if I don't like her teacher should I move her - then it turns into a moment where I realize - I am "that" parents. Granted her issues are no where near the issues of many children I have worked with in the past but, I don't want her to have issues (for herself).
The thought of moving away from my family and friends scares me and exhilarates me at the same time. Where we live and I work right now is not conducive to us moving out on our own, the best option the most viable option is for us to move to a state where there are better job opportunities and a stronger economy. I just have to have the confidence and support to do that.
I need people (friends, family) to support me, to say that I can do this. These are the same people who freak out every time I try to leave, which in turn freaks me out. If you are one of those people, don't do this, this time!!
Miss Maggie is growing and changing, and while we are working through these issues - she is still the same magnificent, wonderful, creative child that she has always been.
 | |
| Playing in the park after church on Feb. 17 2013. I think the girls in our family have a thing with their tongues. | . |
 |
| Working on her activity in Religious Education at the Unitarian Universalism church. She was learning about the moon. |
 |
| Feb 17 2013 - we discovered that she is big enough to climb ladders all by herself. |
Monday, February 18, 2013
I just needed one more hit, that's all I promise...
I am addicted to Facebook, I admit it. As of February 17, 2013 at 9:30pm, I am taking a break until the after Easter. My life was feeling to dependent on Facebook, that was how I was living my life and it was so fake. I loved being able to be involved in my friends lives - but then I began to wonder how many of these people are really my friend. And some friends were annoying me on there. So I am taking a break.
But, I just needed one more hit, a sample, a taste of it. It was for a good reason, but that is just an excuse. My mom received a call from my bothers girlfriend to let us know that their daughter's blood work came back that her adrenal glands were over producing. I know she would contact me via Facebook, so i had to check in.
It is always scary to have your child sick, or diagnosed with an illness, or to find out that there is something wrong but not have a clear answer. Maggie - has been sick a majority of her life, the past 5 months have been the healthiest she ha ever been and she has in that period of time dealt with - a horrible UTI, stomach flu, and a cold. Compared to where were 2 years ago - she was spiking 105+ temperatures every weekend with no clear illness, and even a year ago with chronic strep throat and ear infections. I know that Maggie is on the mend. I hope that my niece's problems are diagnosed and treated quickly and painlessly.
So, what am I going to do with all the time I am not facebooking? Good question, considering I checked my Facebook every time I left the classroom (without kids), on my lunch break, in the evening, in the middle of the night, first thing in the morning. Well, I am blogging - it has been a while. So I know I need to get my thoughts out, blogging will probably be a good outlet for that. But, I am hoping that instead of facebooking during lunch I will be able to go on long walks on the college campus.
I can't say that I am giving this up for Lent, I no longer celebrate Lent. But, I do know that last year at this time I went through the same feelings that I needed a break from Facebook. At that time I didn't take a break, I was so entangled with Facebook. But, this year I am putting myself and Maggie before some internet activity. I have never dealt with addiction myself. I have been around when family member dealt with it and I can imagine that this is what it feels like to some extent. I have a migraine, I feel stressed, I feel like I am squelching some part of me. I know this is for the best and hopefully I will start to feel better as time goes on.
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